just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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