what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
