I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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