I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize