i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
