it wasn't lemon gatorade
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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