I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
