Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
