I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
