i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
