That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
