dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
