No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
