I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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