I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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