I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
