things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
