my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
