new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
