dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
