You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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