So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize