My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
