You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
