If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
