I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
