Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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