It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
