You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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