and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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