I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
