Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
