I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Enjoy the penises
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
