Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
