we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
