If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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