It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
