she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
