So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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