I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize