Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
