ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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