Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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