you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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