i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
