That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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