Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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