she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
