Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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