Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
