dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
