why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
