I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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