Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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