I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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