u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
