you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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