Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the day after is always just damage control
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
