so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
