just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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