I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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