1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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