capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have tasted many bathrooms
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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