so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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