called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
