Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
